Out-out! Out the lights! Out all!
“And much of Madness and more of Sin, and Horror the soul of the plot.”
Entradas
Hangover’s a bitch…
Last nigth I fall sleep quite early, by midnight I was pretty much already drunk, I drank almost a whole Smirnoff bottle again... to quick I must say. At least I know now how much does it take to make me drunk. I chat with Willman for a while (he was tired of me I guess) and then I went to sleep, I remebered awaking suddenly at 3:30 or something, after that I had a hard time falling asleep again. I dreamed a lot of things and thought of a lot of crazy things that I just can't remember. I dreamed I started to nosebleed, and then to bleed everywhere, just to find out I was turning into a rabbit. I dreamed I was being stabbed, I got married, and that I was so thirsty it didn't matter what I drank nothing seamed to satisfy me.
I'm leaving
I'm in 9th semester of Mass Comunications... was, was in 9th semester. I'll retire my inscription soon. I'm leaving this semester because my stress is starting to affect me physically. I'm having an asma crisis since last Friday. I passed out on the street last week. I'm having regular stomach and headaches, insomnia, and anxiety attacks. I can't focus on my studies and I'm totally demotivated from my career. I HATE my grade thesis. I'll get some rest for a few months. I'll maybe learn how to drive and get my certificate for french lenguage...and english too.
No sé cómo seguir esta rutina, cada vez que me levanto de la cama siento que me ahogo. Salir y enfrentar este mundo me da cada vez más ganas de escapar cambiar mi nombre y comenzar de nuevo, sin un pasado y sin viejas preocupaciones. No sé con certeza qué es lo que me mantiene dentro de esta desidia y esta molesta, leve y constante depresión. Sólo quisiera dormir; pero ya no puedo... Sé que no debo dejar a un lado mis responsabilidades, es solo que ya no quiero ningún peso sobre mis hombros, nada de lo que hago me motiva, nada de lo que solía hacer que tanto me apasionaba me da un empujón para continuar. Sólo pienso en escapar, sé que no puedo... soy demasiado cobarde como para escapar; pero cada vez estoy menos interesada en seguir intentándolo. Casi nada de lo que pasa me importa. Busco confort en la comida, y eso parece ser lo único bueno que hago: comer. Ni siquiera tengo espacio para sentirme miserable, quisiera gritar; pero no puedo. Ya no quiero seguir pretendiendo... a pesar d...
I just watched the last episode of True Blood: it was adorable that Bill took Sookie on a romantic date. But I culdn't help let some tears out, those kind of things remind me that I'm 21 and nobody ever has asked me out on a date, given me a love presents or even given me flowers. I lost all my youth, I never had that and there's no turning back. Things doesn't seem to get any better neighter. Why people keep loving my pictures when I'm not like that at all. I wish that old creeps weren´t the only ones to take attention on me. I feel so lost and lonely. I hate all this shit.
Qué graciosa es la vida; pero graciosa de tipo humor negro. Como quisiera que la vida me diera una sola razón, al menos sabría por qué siempre estoy tan triste. No sé por qué le tengo tanto miedo a escapar de todo esto y comenzar de cero. Puedo hacerlo, poco a poco y luego, desaparecer. Pero no lo hago. Como digo, no tengo razones para nada. Prefiero quedarme encerrada y consumirme. ¿Prefiero? No, en realiad no;pero eso es lo que hago. Desearía realmente no estar tan sola. Que se pudran todos.
All the time I
Somethimes I wish I was stronger to stop eating and smarter to stop hating myself. So then I could be prettier and people would like me so I woulnd't be lonely anymore.
Last night I couldn't sleep well, I woke every now and then because my hands started to shake, not only my hands but all of me as well and my heart began to race like if it were nervous. For moments I started to shiver. I don't know what this means. Maybe my ansiety attacks are coming back. I'm feeling worried and I don't know why. The feeling like running away and start over is taking stake again. I haven't felt like this for a long time, I don't want to start crying for no reason all over again.
Lost in bed
Those days when I only want to get lose between sheets... to dissapear in bed, to sleep forever and never wake up, to dream about better days and finally be happy... never wake up... ever...
Gonna get back?
Ya tuve suficiente de cartas, de promesas rotas, de juegos escondidos, de caricias invisibles. Estoy harta de que aparezcas cuando quieras y creas que soy tuya a tu disponibilidad. Todo era mucho mejor cuando te fuiste sin despedida, y me di cuenta que valía más que tus palabras vacías. Sin embargo, me gustaría que me vieras a la cara ahora, y que vieras todo lo que he cambiado y que ya no te necesito. Got a lot of thinking to do...