Friends and chocolate

Yesterday we went to my dear best friend house, Vanessa, to have some pancackes with icecream and Nutella… but mostly because she just broke up with her (six years) boyfriend. It was so pathetic, she is soover him.. actually she was over him a year ago. We had to hear the sad/funny story of how the guy lots all of his dignity. I do not feel sorry for him and I’m happy for my sweet friend.

I eat so much... I feel so guilty, gonna have to be very stric with my diet this upcoming week.

It was a nice nigth, I ate two of these... but as always there was something bothering me, as muh as I try not to pay attention to it.

Last month, or less, we were at some other friend birthday, and I met this guy and I thought I liked him, you know, nothing too special. He wss nice, funny, and because of that I decided to maybe hit on him because it's time to have my chance of oerhaps being with someone.

But yesterday,m after my friend told us the ridiculous story of her breaking up, she said to us that she was dating someone already... that same guy. And I felt that feeling again of having like all my plans screwed up all over again. I used to like this guys at uni ages ago, he had a girlfriend but not fot too long, and before I did anything about it she made best friends with him and suddenly he was calling me a friend and all the situation got difficult, so I forgot about that.

Since yesterday I've been feeing the same thing as when I was 18 years old: that the world is fucked, it sucked, my life was like this joke where I didn't, injustify, deserve anything at all and I was so fucking depressed all the time. I got over that, and I never pay to much attention to it becaiuse we are all depressed and suicidal when we're teens. But the last years have been so no goddamn fair... I'm having this same feeling again.

And adds nothing of help that my other best friends is always telling us how a lot of guys want to date her all the time.

I got this feeling of being left behind, you know. This feeling of being stuck all alone. I was so ficking sad yesterday, and I'm now so pissed off. I hate this shit.