Crucifying KaЯmina BuЯana

Why am I so excited…

I am supposed to be practicing my rythm with this?! This is inhuman… wish me luck.

I just fucking hate when you're supposed to meet somebody somewhere they're not familiar with and they don't have a motherfucking cellphone.  Like... really... how the fuck you do not own a goddamn cellphone. I'm not even talking about a smart phone, and iPhone or a Blackberry or shit... NO. Just some device to keep you in touch with the human race.  Now when the fuck I'm supposed to know you arrived or how the fuck am I supposed to find you in a place you don't even know and why you don't even care if you get fucking lost. I worry about that, you little piece of shit!  I'm just gonna sit here in the dark and eat this huge chocolate truffle to calm myself down.  People, seriously...

  The girl that was supposedly going to give me classes tomorrow dissapeared. ready to curse her name and her family in 3… 2… 1…

I keep spending money… Yes, I have a problem, I know. I bougth expensive things I don’t need from Avon, and got a new bow for my cello, THAT I DO NEED, tho.

Today my family and I spent the whole evening at the funeral house, to farewell my cousin's mother who died of neumonia after a sexi year strugglw with cancer. Honestly, I didn't cry because of that poor woman's death, for she left before her pain was umbearable, so she didn't suffer greatly. But watching my 15 year old cousin crying and screaming because he wanted his mother with him cracked me up so hard, that I had to leave for a while and cry on my uncle's shoulder. I can't even think of what he's going through.  I was so exhausted I fall sleep at 9, now it's 2 am... I just woke up.

This is what I've been doing lately... yes, making a fool of myself because I suck. Starting classes soon, tho.

Today the mother of my cousin died, she had cancer in every part of her body. But that didn't killed her, all her debts kept her working hard and constantly... so she couldn't take good care of herself. Her family did not support her or help her very much... and one day she got neumonia, and stop eating. She look like a living corpse, I swear. Yesterday she kept seeing patients since she was an ortodoncist.  She was so weak and fragile. This mornign she was taken to the clinic where she could barely speak. Her body couldn't bare the neumonia, at 1pm she died.   (Picture above: my cousing and her mom)

El olor del metal sinfónico: Pseudo crónica de una noche Apocalyptica

I’m tired and eating a sandwich. It was AWESOME, a little short, but still, fucking awesome.   I love you, Eicca. I love you, Paavo.  I’m moving to Finland. Now, off to a shower.

  I know it’s noon, but the location it’s kinda far and I have to make line… so… I'm encourage but still it’s gonna be a long day.

Just came from my best friend house… And her mom sells by catalogs, of course I spent money I don’t have in silly pretty things… I even ordered more things! At least I get to use my new Jack’s agenda, it’s kinda   funny  sad that all I have written on it are merely debts. Oh, my life…

No… you don’t understand: I REALLY NEED THEM.

I made cheese fondue… I forgot to get white wine, so I had to cook with red one… Now that got strangely looking, fucking delicious and fucking weird! So… Salads, fondue, chocolate cake and wine for everybody since I can’t really cook. Nobody complained, in fac, I even got congratulations for the dinner!

Already made my mom’s irthday cake for tomorrow… it’s of chocolate, with chocolate… and some chocolate with chocolate on top…

Michael Fassbender William Fitchner Peter Murphy Hugh Laurie Christoph  Schneider Tom Hiddleston Tilo Wolff Julian Sands Skinny mysterious man... oh, my...

Some mom’s coworked sent me this cute earings as a late Christmas present. That’s very thougthfull since my mother gave her daugther a fucking huge castle for hamsters or something like that… Still, I like them.

I drank two frappe mocachinnos and I’m playing with make up at 3:30 am… my left eyelid is ticking. Forbit me to drink coffe (and use shimer) ever again, please.

Yesterday I went to my friend's  Fefy's because she was so stressed out about her homework delivery. She have to sew almost an entire outfit, and as she didn't do any of it in her Christmas vacations, she had to, of course, do it all the day before. So she called me in despair only for me to make her company, otherwise she would have gone mad. So I made her company and help her by painting two metters of lace... with a brush... and acriclic painting... gawd help me. Her desgns are inspired on a Francis Bacon painting. That's why I had to paint the lace, she never found the specific fabric she needs yo sew her dresses. Gucking amazing desings. She's so talented. I love her. I'm so jelous. So I help her and busted my back since I spent more than three hours painting fabric on her living  room floor. For the work she paid me with cookies... and I'm ok with that. Then I helped her some more making her dinner. Cut...

My mom and her hoarding problems have find a new seasonal friend: January bargains. She went to the mall today and bougth presents for everyone she intents to keep until "the right time". This scares me a little bit, but I EXPECT she's not keeping those things 'til next december.   Maybe to keep my mouth shot she bought me a powder brush, some skull stickers and a tiger ring... Ok, I'll take the presents, but I'm still not ok with this!

My internet connection is fucking with my nerves... I'm on the rage stage right now. The good thinf is that my brother is at some party and I'm satying in hiss room tonigth, so I get to watch TV since mine broke a couple of weeks ago. But as I'm disconected from life I have been in the so bored real world: I did some laundry at 10 pm, then watched a Jean Claud Van Damme movie, then re aranged my uncle's DVD collection (it's maybe a thousen copies), listened (and danced to) some electro goth music for a while, there's nothing on TV but Jason X and now I'm drinking some home iced-mocachino at 2 am in my new vintage-like cup... This nigth is fucking killing me.  Thank gawd for smart phones.

Today I spent ALL of my money left. My brother and I bougth tickets for Apocalyptica and then we dine this ridiculous expensive pizza. Now I have the money to live confortably for the rest of my life... that is if I die tomorrow. Anyhow, Apocalyptica, here I come! Eicca, I'm getting you soon! I told y brother to smile because we had finally get our tickets (we went to two other places before), and he did that. He seems disturbinly happy.